Finding my path

Lately I have been thinking about what I want to do, who I want to be. When I had Abigail and honestly after I got married 4 years ago, I put my hopes and dreams on the back burner and slowly became an introvert. While growing up, I used to be so outgoing and not afraid to be myself but something changed. I've struggled with depression for a while but after I got married and the hormones from birth control just put me in a tizzy and I haven't been the same since. So my major event timeline for my married life looks like this; I got married Aug of 2009, got pregnant in 2010 and stopped going to the U, had my daughter in March 2011, Trevor commissioned and we moved to Oklahoma May of 2012, and had my son October of this year. When I had decided to not continue with ROTC in 2010, I lost a lot of what I felt was direction and purpose in my life. While growing up I always wanted to be in the military and when that direction was gone, I just kind of followed behind Trevor. It has taken me a while to figure out what I want to do. Last year in April I found  Sue Bryce, a phenomenal portrait photographer. I was SO sad that I had missed her first Creative Live course only weeks earlier and couldn't afford the $149 to purchase the. If you haven't heard of Creative Live, it is an amazing online classroom that broadcasts classes for free while they are being filmed live. If you like the course, there is an option to buy and download all the videos and extra files that come with it. A few months later in August they had yet another Sue Bryce Course because the first one had resounded so well with viewers I was so stoked to watch this course.

Sue Bryce's photography focuses on connection and seeing the beauty of the woman which I totally resounded with. When I was 16, I used to do makeup and hair followed by a photoshoot. I don't have any of the photo files, (they are back at my parents computer) but I do have the little video I made.

**Note: I had no clue about song copyrights back then and do not claim any right to the songs used in this video**

video

Also when I was younger I was going to do the Miss South Jordan pageant and my platform was on encouraging girls and women to loving themselves through education, community service, and physical fitness. When I was 15 my mom bought me this AWESOME makeup set from Eyes Lips Face,  which I used when I pretend to be a makeup artist. I always wanted to go to cosmetology but when I was younger I felt like it wasn't a "real" career. But I am kicking myself for not taking the course concurrently in high school since cosmetology school is so expensive. I am going to have to look into getting some grants or scholarships if I ever hope to go back to school for cosmetology. I want to do cosmetology to be licenses to makeup and hair for my dream Photography Studio.

What photography studio you ask?

One that specializes in women's portraiture!

I see so many beautiful women around me but I am to introverted to tell them I would love to photograph them and share their beauty with the world but more importantly with themselves. I know how hard it is to see the beauty in ourselves and to love yourself for who you are and to embrace ourselves for the wonderful person we are. I am still in the learning process of loving myself and will be for the rest of my life but what I have discovered is that I WANT to help other women discover themselves and learn how to take care of themselves emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  I truly believe that women need to know they are beautiful inside and out.  I have discovered that by taking a beautiful photo of them and helping them see they are beautiful is just one tiny step I can help them take in loving themselves. The most important person I can teach this to is my daughter, Abigail. If I don't take care of my self and don't love myself, what am I teaching her (and my son too, they need to know they are beautiful in a masculine way :) ) By loving myself, I will not only teach Abigail, but I will also teach John how to help all the women in their lives to treat themselves.

This is all a whirlwind of discovery for me and I am finally connecting the dots and working on learning where I need to be so I can do the most good. I am not in it for the money, I am in it for the good I could do. Everything is still developing and evolving but I would like to do a women's retreat conference one day and have an online presence where I can teach women how to love themselves and as my grandmother says, "be their OWN fairy God-mother." Speaking of my grandmother, I am so grateful for all the amazing women that I have in my family. They are such dynamic, intricate women that have a lot to offer the world and I look forward to picking their brains more about what I can do to help women.

On this journey I am taking I have been reading books on this very subject. My grandmother suggested I read, "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. This is an amazing book. It is not just for people who consider themselves artists, but for everyone who are interested and lighting a fire under your creative side. I have been listening to it on audio book up my copy just got here today! Thank you UPS man! I am looking forward to starting the 12 weeks and seeing how it transforms my view on creativity.

I am especially grateful for my dear husband. He has been encouraging me to be more outgoing and get past my blocks that I have. He surprised me and bought me a Nikon d7100 when I told him how serious I wanted to get about photography. I am extremely grateful for all his positive input and help he is giving me! Love you Trevor!

This is all so new to me but I am excited to go on the journey of self care and loving myself. What are some things you you think would be helpful to help others discover their beauty?